Nuke LaLoosh, With A Modern Slant

It should be understood by now that we love anything that has anything to do with “Bull Durham.”  So when I saw this “Pitcher Profile” over at Beyond the Box Score, I knew it needed to be mentioned here.  Absolutely awesome and amazing.

This actually started me thinking: Bill Simmons used to write columns from time to time where he would take a character from a sports movie and try to figure out what their stats might have been.  He did Roy Hobbs and Jimmy Chitwood, maybe others.  Anyway, I had to wonder what Nuke LaLoosh’s major league numbers would have looked like.

He was a strong, hard-throwing righty who started off in the mid-90s and got stronger as the game went on, but he also only had two pitches – fastball and curveball (I’m assuming he had a curveball, since he asked Crash to teach him how to throw one after they fought on the bus).  The only guy I know of offhand who succeeded as a starter in the modern era with two pitches was Sandy Koufax.  Plus, this was the mid-to-late eighties, he was a flake and a follower, on his way to a terrible Atlanta Braves team – what are the odds he would’ve become a regular at the Gold Club and reverted to the kid who banged groupies instead of warming up?  Pretty good, I’d say.

So, given all that, the question remains – how WAS Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?

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